Paris

Well, I’ve been a lax little blogger, haven’t I? Fear not, gentle reader!! I have returned to Strumpetville from gay Paris and am ready to blog again…

First things first; le trip.

We travelled in the early afternoon from St Pancras; and I’ll be honest, the train is the only was to go. Fast, efficient, no hassle getting our seat, stowing our luggage… before we knew it we were under the sea; and then in France itself.

We’d booked a studio apartment near the Gare Du Nord so we were quickly there. The place was really nice, on a little side street off the main boulevard. And from then on we were out and about, exploring the city.

All the touristy things of course; the Louvre – absolutely fantastic; worth a day in its own right. The Arc de Triomphe; really impressive. The Eiffel Tower. A tad rusty! The people were far friendlier than I thought they would be; it’s the little things that can really make your day, don’t you think? Just turning a corner from the main streets we found ourselves in a small family run bakery, where the staff fussed over us letting us taste thus or that… or the attentive waiters in restaurant we had to ourselves one lunchtime, in the gay district near Rue de Te,mple, who all worked to give us the perfect Parisian dining experience. My verdict? I’m sold. Paris is a thriving, vibrant, beautiful city where I would very happily live one day.

Highlights:

- The Rodin museum
- The Louvre
- Notre Dame
- Pompidou Centre
- The Latin Quarter

The best thing of course is that Fella really loved it. He’s shown he appreciates his best birthday present in many ways, not just the physical *ahem*. Tonight is the only night since last Friday, and until Sunday, that we are apart – hence the time to write a post. He’s changed ever so slightly. Things are more… comfortable. The rhythm is easier in some way.

It was his trip after all – so I’m delighted he liked it. But for me it was great. The last time I went abroad it was with International to his villa in Spain for a dirty weekend of naughty nookie. This time it was a joint experience of art, culture, food and wine. Something shared, and ‘grown up’. It really was a great trip.

And for the next birthday trip? Hmm….

April Fool

I’m going to make a confession, gentle reader. I haven’t really been a cheerful fairy at all recently. I think it’s time to face the facts.

Just over a year ago my world was turned upside down by Darren dumping me; and I was going through the process of coming out to friends and family and, well, anyone within earshot basically. I then embarked on a never-ending] spree of dating and casual sex that led to some short term romances and, famously, International.

Right now I feel like I’m at square one. I’ve never really explained - or acknowledged to myself before now – how much I miss International. It actually has been, recently, a real struggle not to call him and try to get him back (for a given value of back of course, given our/his situation). I feel like I’m coming out to my mother all over again! And after a couple of highly unpleasant dating experiences my confidence has been shot to pieces.

History repeating.

So, not unlike last time, it took a video I found on YouTube to break through my bright demeanour. The one below has had me in floods of tears night and day for a little while now. It’s really beautiful, both the video and the song. And, in many ways, the way forward for me is summed up by the line “I’d rather be working for a paycheque than wait in to win the lottery”.

Maybe I’m over the worst and I’ll be fine tomorrow. I think things will be alright… but I am going to take the next week and 'sort my life out'. Starting with detoxing my flat and scrubbing it from top to bottom; then reinvigorating my wardrobe; and finally really getting back into regular exercise again. Plus, of course, learning how to meet guys in the Real World and taking advantage of what Strumpetville has to offer.

Of course I can’t do that until I’m confident in myself so it might, just possibly, be a little while. Friends tell me I set impossible standards for myself and consistently recently have told me the bar is too high. But I’ve always achieved what I want, even if I am a late starter sometimes… and I need to be sure I’m right. This isn’t going to work, then, while I’m at a low ebb.

I currently have no dates lined up, though one guy has asked me out so I suppose there’ll be one soon. I may leave it a week or two till I’m more settled. And I’m chatting to a couple of others via Parship and the recently rejoined Soulmates.

I’m not a total loss it seems ;-). Boyfriend in potentia, which is nice to know. My assignation this past Monday was also exactly what I needed at that point too. Oh, I suppose I'm on the mend. It’s not all bad gentle reader. Further updates as events warrant, yes indeed. And do watch the video.

Jug

It never rains but it pours; a jug. Get it? LOL. WTF? GSOH? LMFAO. GCH.

One day into my man detox and not one, not two, but three guys - oh my!

Where to begin? I spent most of today doing various things around the business; including, joy of joys, getting paid by two different clients. As most of my clients like my work they tend to recommend me to friends and colleagues and this is no different so one of the nicest things is I now have new leads for future business.

Anyway, after sorting that out I jumped onto gaydar as I sometimes still do to see if there’s anything doing. To my surprise I had a message from a guy whose profile I looked at recently but whom I did not follow up. It was a nice message humorously complaining about the fact I had not pursued him despite him being perfect for me etc – so of course I had to reply.

Similarly on OUT This morning I had a lovely message from a man who claims never to do this sort of thing but was so enamoured with my loveliness [naturally enough, I would suggest ;o) ] that he just had to get in touch. And, again, I just had to reply.

Well, in my defence I would argue that, man detox or none, to not reply would simply be the height of bad manners.

As for the third guy; he too is from gaydar and we have been dancing round each other for quite a while. Today he finally took the plunge and suggested that we meet up this afternoon. And what did I say? Well, I said no. Or rather: not right now. I’m not sure really why. I think, in truth, because he is insanely good looking and I’m feeling a little frumpy at the moment – my new job has prompted a minor attack of acne [Yuk!] and whilst not serious at all it has made me feel somewhat self-conscious.

Here I am justifying why I didn’t just jump into bed with someone… how times change! Though I am going to go back to using gaydar, I have decided, a little more frequently for the time being; just because I don’t want to do the boyfriend thing right now, doesn’t mean I don’t want to do…

If the worst comes to the worst I’m sure these first two guys can wait four weeks to meet – we’ll be in touch in the meantime no doubt. However, the man detox remains in force!

Lucifer's baby brother

The Academic came, he saw, he conquered… And now he’s gone, back to Oxford for a night on the tiles and I’m here with a nice Merlot [the diet’s going well then?] and some Norah Jones. Phew, what a weekend! What fun we had – it’ll take me a couple of days to recover methinks. It’s nice to be with someone who likes to be adventurous and whose sex-drive is as high as my own, even if that does mean indulging tastes that normally wouldn’t fall within my normal parameters.

I think I’ll be seeing him again…

Is the Academic boyfriend material? I have, in fact, 99% decided not. There is neither Soldier nor Justice flanking this Lover; but a fine lover he remains and one I shall keep, trophy like, for the time being.

In Germany you have to pay a religious tax, or tithe, of about 5% of your income – unless, that is, you can prove that you are an atheist. It seems somewhat Kafkaesque to have to prove the absence of a something that is in itself the acceptance of a thing without proof of the thing: a requirement to demonstrate you have no faith. It occurred to me that the religious demand faith in God but sometimes neglect the argument that God demands that we have faith not only in Him but in each-other. Let he who is without sin throw the first custard pie, people in glass houses might occasionally want to close the curtains etc etc.

Well, I have enormous faith in people. Sometimes too much. Sometimes, because I’m human, too little. I’m very shy (honest) and almost never trust; but I’m often touched by the random acts of kindness that I see every day, and how – as I’ve written before – when you smile the world smiles with you. So then, it is not disappointment, bitterness, an unwillingness to make that leap, or – heaven take all arguably reasonable steps to forefend – a broken heart that makes me do this, but simply the need for a holiday.

For one month from today there will be no dating, no searching for a boyfriend, no looking for Mr Right. Just a holiday. It is in fact six months to the very day that I started this blog, so I suppose that works. But (here’s the science bit) over those 26 weeks I’ve dated an average of 2.6 men per week and slept with just under half of them of them. So a break is in order, no? That doesn't mean no sex, of course - for the devil makes work for idle hands ;-)

Believe me though, gentle reader, in one month I shall be back in the saddle continuing my look for Mr Right.; because I do want a boyfriend and I don’t accept that not-looking is the only way to make him magically appear. To paraphrase a character from one of my favourite films (V for vendetta) I will have roses, and apologise to no-one.